Health/Psychology: The Essence of Family

A healing of heart and mind can happen when we least expect it. Such a process has been happening for someone I care about very much, my husband. We both feel led to share his experience with others, in hopes that it will inspire you in your life and open you to healing on all levels. – S.C.

The Essence of Family

The rain storm came in fast and furious, wind whipping down the street, sound of the downpour resonating on the metal awning out front. It was a quiet Saturday, most folks not caring to go out on a day with such a threatening sky. I took the opportunity to get caught up on some things in the office. All of a sudden I heard a screaming outside, at my front door. Shocked, I quickly looked out to see what the trouble was, and saw a tiny, little girl, who was seeking shelter in the alcove of my front door, just howling away while the rain was pouring down. She was shaking, and wailing, and sobbing, gripping her little hands together, and looking out at the heavy rain pounding down the street. I started towards her from in my shop, and then I saw a strong set of arms scoop her up, and heard the voice of the mother saying, “It’s alright sweetheart, it’s OK. It’s just some rain.” She stopped crying immediately.

I was struck by the image, by the sense of it, by the feeling of comfort the little girl sought from her mother. Her cry was an immediate signal to her mother to come running from next door, to scoop her up, to protect her, to reassure her. The little girl instantly felt the physical connection of her mother, but most importantly she felt the emotional connection. The strength of her arms and the strength of her presence, physically and emotionally, wrapped itself around the child who so needed her touch. It was the perfect remedy, the perfect solution. It made me think about all the touches my mother has given me, all the strength, all the reassurance and support. It made me think of all the power, vision and encouragement my father gave me, of making my way in the world as a child, as a teen and as an adult with his guidance beside me. How many times I cried out for their help and they were always there... The strength of their arms and the strength of their presence...

It makes me think about those who have not had that physical presence of the mother or the father in their life, of having been denied the greater experience of family, for whatever the reason. This is the story of my husband, of him finding his family, and his family finding him, after all these years.

The phone rang on a Wednesday evening in January. My husband answered, and the voice on the other end said, “I’m your uncle from Idaho. We have been looking for you for over 30 years.” He thought one of his friends was playing a joke on him, knowing of course that he knew no uncle in Idaho. Well, it definitely was no joke. It was real, very real. He had to sit down as the “realness” of the moment hit him. I had never seen him so surprised about anything before.

Imagine, you have no memory of your father because you were just a baby when your parents were divorced, and now your father is no longer living. You have no memory of contact with any of your father’s immediate family, nor do you know who they are, how many of them there are or exactly where they are, and now it turns out you have four aunts and three uncles, and scores of cousins all over the place. You also learn that your father remarried years ago, and you have two half-brothers and one half-sister. Some of these people have been looking for you for many, many years and your sister has been looking for you since she was age 14, and she's 37 now.

What do you say, what do you think, what do you feel, in a place such as this? Joy...

I watched and listened as the days unfolded after that day, seeing a process begin for my husband that he had always longed for. He knew there were people out there, but had no idea how to reach them or if it would be OK to reach them. Things hold us back in life, life trys to hold us back from things ... but, you know, that day was truly a new beginning for him, and for his long-lost family. After many, many phone hours getting to know his newly-found family, letters and pictures in the mail, and countless email contacts with them, he is understanding better who they are, and understanding who his father was, through them. Joy...

The truth of this astounds me, as I too am getting to know these people. The truth is that we can be given a way in life to rebuild what was taken away, a way to fill in the missing gaps, if we want it badly enough. My husband was more than ready to have all these people come into his life, he spoke of it often to me with a sense of longing. I see him changing and growing in a strong and positive way because of this amazing unfolding of events. He is learning what a good, strong and courageous man his father was and that he spoke of his son so often through the years to other family members. I don¹t wish to speak for my husband, but I do know what I perceive just by being with him. He has been given the gift of his father back and I know he can truly feel his father inside of himself more than ever before. The strength of his presence and the presence of his strength inside him... Joy...

We can go through life not knowing those closest to us, taking for granted the ones who are “family,” and looking throughout the whole world for something better. Maybe we cried out for those strong arms, like the little girl afraid of the storm, with hope that they would scoop us up and make everything better, and when we didn’t get the response we needed, we turned away from “family.” Families are complicated, human emotion can lead us into places of pain, regret and resentment. But, in the end, if we truly want the connection, the bonding, the unconditional acceptance, the opening of spirit and heart that can come, all we need do is to ask.

It is all about people. It is all about people discovering each other with a newness and a sense of gratitude, and leaving fear behind. It is all about feelings. Being honest with our feelings which we have buried for so long underneath the cloak of the years, and learning a new way to express them. It is all about healing. The healing of heart, mind and spirit that comes only when we can look at that other person in our family, and see a truly unique individual who also needs to express herself/himself in the world.

I am learning so much more about “family” myself because of this experience, and I am eager to meet these people one day. We are planning to travel out there as soon as we can to meet all these folks face to face for the first time, and hopefully some of them will find their way here to visit us. In the meantime, there will still be lots of emails, phone calls, letters, and pictures sent back and forth. How amazing it will be for Paul to sit in the same room with them, to look into their eyes, to feel their touch ... to walk on the ground where his father walked, all those years ago.

©Copyright 2002 by AlternativeApproaches.com

Susie Cooper, ND earned her Doctor of Naturopathy degree at the Southern College of Naturopathic Medicine, and is Board Licensed and Certified. She has continued most of her study in Classical Homeopathy with the New England School of Homeopathy. Dr. Susie has taught workshops in homeopathy, herbal medicine and nutrition in North Carolina for many years. She now teaches all her workshops in her shop, Blue Mountain Herbs & Supplements, in beautiful Pilot Mountain, NC, where she also takes private appointments for herbal, nutritional and homeopathic assessments. (336) 368-5955.

Important note: The information contained in this column is not meant to diagnose or prescribe for specific ailments, but is intended for educational support only. Please seek the advise of a licensed health practitioner for specific illnesses and emergency situations.