| Infidelity expert Ruth Houston reveals factors to consider when deciding whether or not to take back a cheating spouse or significant other and give them a second chance.
How to Decide Whether to Take a Cheater Back
Under what circumstances should a cheating spouse or significant other be given a second chance?
Infidelity expert Ruth Houston, founder of InfidelityAdvice.com and author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, recommends taking several factors into consideration when trying to decide. Houston says, "First and foremost are the circumstances of the infidelity and the cheater's attitude about the affair. These two things are a good indication of whether the marriage or relationship can be saved."
Houston, who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news, says, "Infidelity doesn't necessarily mean the end of a marriage. Sometimes a relationship can be saved. If the cheater is genuinely sorry, has severed all ties with the Other Woman or Other Man, and is willing to work hard to rebuild the broken trust, then the cheater might be worthy of a second chance, if the infidelity occurred under the circumstances below."
- an isolated incident of infidelity, such as a one night stand.
- under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
- while the cheater was undergoing a midlife crisis.
- a misguided response to a life crisis like the death of a loved one, or the loss of a job.
- a case of sexual addiction, where the cheater is seeking, or amenable to seeking professional help.
Houston cautions that it's not advisable to take the cheater back if he or she:
- refuses to sever ties with the Other Woman or the Other Man.
- continues to lie about any aspect of the affair.
- is a habitual or serial cheater who has had one or more affairs in the past.
- feels no guilt or remorse for having hurt his or her spouse or significant other.
- wants to fast-forward the healing process and proceed as if nothing has happened.
- feels he or she has a right to cheat or have an extramarital affair.
- does not feel that cheating is wrong.
- is a sex addict who refuses to seek help.
"There are other things that need to be done before taking the cheater back," says Houston. "It's important to have one or more conversations with the cheater about the cheating. Ground rules need to be set- checks and balances put in place. The cheater needs to be fully accountable to their mate for as long as it takes to rebuild the broken trust. It could take as long as 2 years. It's not a quick fix.
"Forgiveness shouldn't be handed over on a silver platter," warns Houston. "It's something the cheater has to earn. Otherwise, you're just setting the stage for the cheating to happen again."
Houston warns, "One of the biggest obstacles to taking a cheating spouse or significant other back is the fear that he or she the cheater will cheat again without your knowledge. It's a valid fear considering the fact that by the time an affair is discovered, the infidelity victim is usually the last to know."
Houston advises, "The beat way to overcome this fear if you're trying to reconcile with a cheating mate is to become familiar with the signs of infidelity. Since most of the signs are subtle, knowing what to look for is the key."
Houston's book, Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, covers practically every known sign of infidelity, including the subtle signs people usually overlook. Despite the title, most of the signs apply to cheating women as well as cheating men. The signs are conveniently grouped into 21 major categories, so you can easily find the signs that apply to your mate. Is He Cheating on You? is available as a soft cover book or as a downloadable e-book.
The e-book version of Is He Cheating on You? comes with a bonus section that is especially helpful to anyone trying to reconcile with a cheating mate. It contains the following affair recovery information:
- What the Two of You Must Do to Survive Your Husband's Affair
- Advice for the Husband Who Cheated
- Advice for the Betrayed Wife
- Can Your Marriage Survive His Affair?
- Will He Cheat Again?
For more information about both versions of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, visit www. InfidelityAdvice.com.
©Copyright
2008 by AlternativeApproaches.com
|
Printer Friendly Page