| Learning your child is gay can be a challenging experience. Hale Dwoskin of Sedona Training Associates and featured teacher in the book and film "The Secret" reveals how to best manage emotions in this situation.
Hale Dwoskin on How to Manage Your Emotions When You Learn Your Child is Gay
Hale Dwoskin, featured teacher in the book and film The Secret and CEO of Sedona Training Associates, has revealed how parents can best manage their emotions when they learn their child is gay. Hearing that a daughter or son is gay can be challenging for any parent, but a parent's reaction to this news will set the tone for the future of their relationship, for good or for bad. They should first of all keep in mind that their child has likely been mulling over this revelation for many months, probably many years. The decision to tell parents will usually come at a point when their daughter or son is ready to move forward and truly accept who they are.
And ideally they want parents to accept them as well.
It's common, though, for parents to experience a range of emotions - from anger to guilt to denial - upon hearing this news. They may even feel an extreme loss, almost like a death, for the child they "once knew." This feeling, if not properly attended to, can last for years and ultimately sabotage the relationship, which is why it is so important to manage emotions right away.
This involves separating parents' own expectations for their son or daughter from the ones they have and desire. It also means letting go of the negative emotions that the news has brought up in parents.
"Remember that someone's sexual preference is not who they are," points out Dwoskin. "Also, remember that nothing has actually changed except you have found out something new about your son or daughter. If you felt you loved them before, this does not need to change."
Logically, of course, parents may know this. But they may still be having a hard time accepting the news, feeling at peace with it, and knowing how to embrace their son or daughter - even if perhaps they aren't completely comfortable with their lifestyle.
"The best way to move forward," Dwoskin says, "is to release on the goal of 'I allow myself to love and support my son/daughter in having whatever it is they want for themselves.' This may be difficult at first. However, if you are willing to let go this is always possible. You can love and support them even if you do not condone their decision."
The more people let go of resistance to their child's sexual preferences, the easier it will be for them to have a close, fulfilling relationship.
"By letting go you prevent yourself from using this newfound information to sabotage your relationship," Dwoskin says, "and you also prevent yourself from forcing your son or daughter to defend their choice, which only causes them to cling to it more strongly."
When parents have released negative feelings, they will find that they can discuss their son or daughter's lifestyle with them openly, and without causing them to feel defensive. Parents will also have more emotional space with which to support them, unconditionally, like they always have.
You can get the free Insiders Guide to The Sedona Method email course sampler by inputting just your name and email in the sidebar on the right of the article at http://www.sedona.com/gay.aspx.
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